Abusive relationships are interesting...how you become so disillusioned. Thinking you deserve such pain. Thinking everything they say about you is true. How did I become so accustomed to it? How did I look in the mirror that day unable to even recognize myself and still think that I loved him? Of course, alcohol and self mutilation helped I suppose. But, let's face it. He was a total loser. I was a general manager supporting him despite abuse, anorexia, and alcoholism. How in the world did I make it through? It got to the point where all he had to do was have that look in his eyes and make steps towards me and I would instantly tremble uncontrollably. I stayed because I was scared. I tried to leave so many times. Restraining orders don't do a thing. It's a piece of paper. That's it. He stalked me and made my life a living hell. And he never had to pay for what he did. It infuriates me to this day, but I know I need to somehow forgive him in my heart. I'm still hurting.